Zo they say.

Terribly important letters to fascinating people and curious objects!
This Tumblr was taken by force by Zoe Foster, hereby referred to as "me," or "I," or "Your festive highness."

If you'd like to read more of my Nonsense About Nothing, read my weekly page in Sunday Style magazine.

If you like tootin' round with makeup and hair, you will enjoy my beauty blog at fruitybeauty.com.au

If you want a whole awesome book on those things, you will love Amazing Face.

If you like to read about relationships and dating, you will like my monthly dating column in Cosmopolitan magazine.

If you like being playfully, lovingly lectured for a whole book on such things, you will like Textbook Romance.

If you prefer effervescent novels, you will thoroughly enjoy Air Kisses and Playing the Field and The Younger Man.

If you like fantastic websites about people named Zoe Foster, go to zoefoster.com.au

If you do not like any of these things, no offence, but you are a moron.
  • March 24, 2014 12:14 pm
    Dear The Wrong Girl book,
Everyone tells me you are just AWESOME!!
Maybe it’s because I wrote you and they’re being kind.
Or maybe it’s because they saw my t-shirt saying “Please say that The Wrong Girl is awesome or I will steal your wallet.”
Either way, I’ll take it.
From your friend,
Zoe View high resolution

    Dear The Wrong Girl book,

    Everyone tells me you are just AWESOME!!

    Maybe it’s because I wrote you and they’re being kind.

    Or maybe it’s because they saw my t-shirt saying “Please say that The Wrong Girl is awesome or I will steal your wallet.”

    Either way, I’ll take it.

    From your friend,

    Zoe

  • September 29, 2012 10:08 pm
    thisgirldoes:  To the newly-crowned Fun Fearless Female of The Year, I do believe your first job as reigning queen should be to inform us all of your make up and hair secrets from the evening because, dammit, you looked fierce! The nude lip, the 60's-style eye, the perfect length long bob...I loved it all. Please tell, I beg of you. Love, A Zoe-Foster-Wannabe P.S. Congratulations ;)

    Dear thisgirldoes,

    Thank you for your congratulations and your kind message!

    Thank you, all of you. Thank you for the lovely messages on Twitter and also very much for voting. As anyone who saw my teary, babbling acceptance speech (I was very pleased with myself for winning Fun Fearless Author and had settled luxuriously into a few glasses of delicious white wine, not thinking for three burps I would be required to speak again) will testify, I was utterly shocked and completely floored to have won. 

    And well I should be: The Cosmopolitan Fun Fearless Woman of the Year Award is a TREMENDOUS accolade, and the women I was up against - like Samantha Wills, Ricki-Lee Coulter, Sam Stosur, Fifi Box, Annabelle Chauncy, and Rachael Taylor, are each fantastically talented, impressive, successful, strong dames. I was thrilled just to be nominated.

    I am wildly flattered and intensely honoured to be considered a fun and fearless woman, I can’t think of a more delightful or desirable title. Having fun and seeking out the joy in life is a key driver for me (as well as the foundation of my work) and trusting my gut, and going with my intuition, (my understanding/interpretation of fearlessness) is behind every single decision I make. (This is a new-ish thing, took years to understand how important it is to listen to it.)

    Women are very, very wonderful, and the more we can support each other, and enthuse a foundation of fun and fearlessness within all that we do, professionally and personally and with nail polish choice, the more we all stand to gain, and enjoy. There’s enough pie for all of us, you need never worry that helping someone else achieve their success will diminish your chance or level of success.

    But enough pie talk. I’m always talking about pie. Stop asking me about pie all the time.

    On to makeup and hair!

    I had my makeup done at the glamorous Napoleon Perdis Life.Style store in Woollahra by Shanny, and she was (swearword) fantastic. I asked for a black lashline smoky eye (so, not over the whole eye - too heavy for my eyes) and a tonne of single false lashes. Some glowing skin and nude lips completed, as you rightly point out, my homage to sixties dolls.

    Blowdry was by Joe at Original A salon - the new Oxford St salon by the crew behind O&M products and colour, and the owners of Paddington institution Atlantis. I asked for it to be styled and blow-dried down over my face. I always do. I like little hair curtains where possible. There was bit more curl and height originally, but the strong wind shat all over that sadly.

    Also I had a spray tan at the Benefit boutique and of course, a session of Omnilux to get my skin glowing.

    So, just really low maintenance in all.

    Thank you again for your message, thisgirldoes.

    From your friend,

    Zoe

  • July 12, 2012 9:43 pm
    Dear Ten Winners of Textbook Romance,
And here you are!
@jessihudsMum told me to spray perfume on a pillow in his bed, then if he cheated she’d know he had a girlf already
@abbeygelmi Facebook stalk The New Man pre-date so you can feign undying love for his Interests 
@Acciomalfoyz Marry a rich husband so you don’t have to work.  
@freerange_human Just hang around…he might dump his girlfriend and then realise you’re right there
@babycakequeen Don’t waste time getting an education, you will only forget it when you are changing the nappies of his babies!
@sarahlouisedob He hasn’t returned your text message from 2 days ago so call him just to confirm the dinner details 
@ali_h7 Give him an ultimatum - Marry me or lose me
@eliza_beth_phan Try not to seem too intelligent around guys. They’ll be intimidated & won’t find you attractive 
@alisha_testa It is better to marry a plain/average looking partner, because they are less likely to leave you
And my personal favourite: @genkerin But he has a speedboat 
I’m so deeply sorry you have all been subjected to such shitty love advice.
On the plus side, it won you a book of not-shitty love advice, so it’s not all soggy shoes and delayed flights.
Now please email my publicist - Chantelle.Sturt@au.penguingroup.com - to give her your postal details. And obviously, immediately forget the advice you were given to win this competition.
From your friend,
Zoe
View high resolution

    Dear Ten Winners of Textbook Romance,

    And here you are!

    @jessihudsMum told me to spray perfume on a pillow in his bed, then if he cheated she’d know he had a girlf already

    @abbeygelmi Facebook stalk The New Man pre-date so you can feign undying love for his Interests 

    @Acciomalfoyz Marry a rich husband so you don’t have to work.  

    @freerange_human Just hang around…he might dump his girlfriend and then realise you’re right there

    @babycakequeen Don’t waste time getting an education, you will only forget it when you are changing the nappies of his babies!

    @sarahlouisedob He hasn’t returned your text message from 2 days ago so call him just to confirm the dinner details 

    @ali_h7 Give him an ultimatum - Marry me or lose me

    @eliza_beth_phan Try not to seem too intelligent around guys. They’ll be intimidated & won’t find you attractive 

    @alisha_testa It is better to marry a plain/average looking partner, because they are less likely to leave you

    And my personal favourite: @genkerin But he has a speedboat 

    I’m so deeply sorry you have all been subjected to such shitty love advice.

    On the plus side, it won you a book of not-shitty love advice, so it’s not all soggy shoes and delayed flights.

    Now please email my publicist - Chantelle.Sturt@au.penguingroup.com - to give her your postal details. And obviously, immediately forget the advice you were given to win this competition.

    From your friend,

    Zoe


  • April 17, 2012 12:06 pm
    Dear Brand New Textbook Romance Book Jacket,
I love you.
I love you so much.
You were lovingly created by the masterful, delightful Allison Colpoys, who does all of my covers and who is criminally talented, and you THRILL me to my cold, hard, robotic core.
It’s a very tough call between you and Amazing Face, but the fact you are hiding within you my favourite book of all I’ve written, and certainly the one that presents me with the most breathtakingly honest and incredible feedback from young women, puts you in the lead for favourite cover, too. 
Oh! But why choose! They are ALL so splendid. I am one luckily, lucky little author. (“We” to be fair - Hamish wrote such brilliant man advice throughout the book.) 
I hope your fancy new jacket earns you lots of admiring glances and attention, and that a whole new audience of dames find you and read you and love you and get some new ideas about gents and their behaviour and thought cycles thereof.
From your friend,
Zoe
View high resolution

    Dear Brand New Textbook Romance Book Jacket,

    I love you.

    I love you so much.

    You were lovingly created by the masterful, delightful Allison Colpoys, who does all of my covers and who is criminally talented, and you THRILL me to my cold, hard, robotic core.

    It’s a very tough call between you and Amazing Face, but the fact you are hiding within you my favourite book of all I’ve written, and certainly the one that presents me with the most breathtakingly honest and incredible feedback from young women, puts you in the lead for favourite cover, too.

    Oh! But why choose! They are ALL so splendid. I am one luckily, lucky little author. (“We” to be fair - Hamish wrote such brilliant man advice throughout the book.) 

    I hope your fancy new jacket earns you lots of admiring glances and attention, and that a whole new audience of dames find you and read you and love you and get some new ideas about gents and their behaviour and thought cycles thereof.

    From your friend,

    Zoe


  • April 13, 2012 9:05 am
    Dear Sweet Dames Who Came to My Book Signing Last Night,
Even my publicist and the gent from Dymocks agreed: there really is no more adorable gaggle of women than those who come along to my waffly, gibberishy book events.
You’re the cutest!
Deal with it.
From your friend,
Zoe View high resolution

    Dear Sweet Dames Who Came to My Book Signing Last Night,

    Even my publicist and the gent from Dymocks agreed: there really is no more adorable gaggle of women than those who come along to my waffly, gibberishy book events.

    You’re the cutest!

    Deal with it.

    From your friend,

    Zoe

  • April 4, 2012 2:42 pm

    Dear People Who Like To Win Really Excellent Books,

    Did you EVEN KNOW that if you tweet a photo of yourself and your copy of The Younger Man with #theyoungerman as your hashtag on Tuesday April 10 or Wednesday April 11 you have the chance to win:


    A copy of Amazing Face…

    "One of my greatest inspirations."
    - Francois Nars

    A copy of Air Kisses…

    "If only I could write a book as readable as this."
    - Suzanne Collins.

    A copy of Playing The Field…

    One of the greatest books of the 21st century.”
    - Stephen King.

    And, a signed copy of The Younger Man to give to someone you really quite like, because obviously you already own a copy.


    That’s four delicious books just for having bought one, and taken a quick selfie of you with it. Which is a pretty fun prize. So thanks, Penguin!

    The most creative and exciting and adorable and thrilling and (insert adjective) photos will probably win. And since there are only four prize packs, it might be a good time to dust off the jazzercise leotard/inflatable palm tree/miniature horse, in order to stand out. That said, props are definitely not compulsory. (Copy of The Younger Man and your body aside.)

    Winners will be announced Thursday April 12!

    Losers will be announced never!

    From your friend,

    Zoe


    *All quotes made up unless not made up.

  • April 3, 2012 9:15 am
    Dear Sydney Book Signing,
Well. I can’t wait to see you next Thursday, April 12!
And all of the cute fruits who will come along, also.
I know you’re being held at Dymocks, 424 George St, Sydney, and have a 6 for 6:30 pm start, but I wondered if we wouldn’t like to involve a cruise ship somehow also? Just a thought.
I have told all the rascals coming along they must call 02 9235 0155 to book their (free) seat, and listen in comfort as I sign copies of and waffle on about The Younger Man, and chat about books, and relationship stuff, and answer a pile of questions. 
However, I am yet to tell them there is a squab and anchovy pie eating contest that will commence immediately after the event, and that it is compulsory they partake. They won’t mind. They will probably be hungry and very grateful, in fact.
From your friend,
Zoe

View high resolution

    Dear Sydney Book Signing,

    Well. I can’t wait to see you next Thursday, April 12!

    And all of the cute fruits who will come along, also.

    I know you’re being held at Dymocks, 424 George St, Sydney, and have a 6 for 6:30 pm start, but I wondered if we wouldn’t like to involve a cruise ship somehow also? Just a thought.

    I have told all the rascals coming along they must call 02 9235 0155 to book their (free) seat, and listen in comfort as I sign copies of and waffle on about The Younger Man, and chat about books, and relationship stuff, and answer a pile of questions.

    However, I am yet to tell them there is a squab and anchovy pie eating contest that will commence immediately after the event, and that it is compulsory they partake. They won’t mind. They will probably be hungry and very grateful, in fact.

    From your friend,

    Zoe



  • March 2, 2012 11:38 am
    

Dear People Who Like To Have Books Signed and Have a Chat and A Few Drinks,
WELL.
Do I have a deal for you?!?!
For the low low price of zero dollars, you can come along to Dymocks in Melbourne city next Thursday evening and listen to me warble on excitedly about my new novel The Younger Man, and discuss relationship and dating, and do some exhilarating Q&A, and then buy the book and have it lovingly scribbled on, and have some delicious pink champagne and tasty snacks and just have a swell night in general.
The details proper:
Date: Thursday March 8th
Place: Dymocks, 234 Collins St, Melbourne
Time: 6 for 6:30 pm
How to DEFINITELY book your seat: On 03 9660 8500 or Em: levents@dymocks.com.au
Dress code: Amphibian
I so hope you’ll come and say hello. I was so enchanted with the one I did at this venue for Amazing Face last year, as the photo above of me chatting to an excited fan illustrates.
From your friend,
Zoe

    Dear People Who Like To Have Books Signed and Have a Chat and A Few Drinks,

    WELL.

    Do I have a deal for you?!?!

    For the low low price of zero dollars, you can come along to Dymocks in Melbourne city next Thursday evening and listen to me warble on excitedly about my new novel The Younger Man, and discuss relationship and dating, and do some exhilarating Q&A, and then buy the book and have it lovingly scribbled on, and have some delicious pink champagne and tasty snacks and just have a swell night in general.

    The details proper:

    Date: Thursday March 8th

    Place: Dymocks, 234 Collins St, Melbourne

    Time: 6 for 6:30 pm

    How to DEFINITELY book your seat: On 03 9660 8500 or Em: levents@dymocks.com.au

    Dress code: Amphibian

    I so hope you’ll come and say hello. I was so enchanted with the one I did at this venue for Amazing Face last year, as the photo above of me chatting to an excited fan illustrates.

    From your friend,

    Zoe

  • February 22, 2012 7:25 am

    Dear The Younger Man Book Which I Wrote and Which is On Sale Today,

    Welcome! Welcome a lot!

    God, it’s good to have you here at last, and available for squids to read and buy.

    And! Such a major coup for you, straight out of the gate! I can’t believe you got the chance to be on Booking Good with Mateus Malgorinsonson. He’s terrifically well-respected, you know… and not too hard on the eyes, either!

    From your friend,

    Zoe

  • February 17, 2012 3:35 pm
    Dear Launch Week of My New Novel The Younger Man,
Oh MAN (younger, I suspect) I can’t wait to get you in stores and on shelves and in hands and in front of eyes. Can you believe you’re out next Wednesday?
Well you are, dingus, so pay attention.
Now, to celebrate this, I want to do something loving and literary for my readers. I want to write them their own personal chick-lit piece.
On Twitter.
Twit Chick Lit! 
What fun.
How it will work is this:
On Monday morning, I will tweet something really cool and admirable and totally not self-promoting about The Younger Man. Like: The only book anyone should read this year is The Younger Man by Zoe Foster.
Excitable followers will then RT this self-deprecating and subtle tweet, and when I see them do that, I will select some and write them their own, unique chick lit.
For example:
@katie99 met Tom in the park. His fiancee had left him; her marriage had fallen apart. They fell in love doing laundry and bought a cat.
@lizgloss fell for a gent with no scruples. He was exciting and they got tats. They didn’t last but the sex was outstanding.
@lilshopper cheated with a man named Troy. They travelled they world. She felt guilty and returned to her ex. He forgave her; they pashed.
IMAGINE! Their name carefully injected into a thrilling romantic narrative that is brimming with lust and drama and then suspesefully concluded, and all in under 140 characters.
As if that wasn’t enough to lift your luggage, each day I will randomly select one of the gorgeous RT-ers selected for a Twit Chick-Lit and send them a signed copy of what else but… Twilight! 
No, no, sorry - it’s The Younger Man. The book they’ll win is definitely The Younger Man.
I think you’ll agree this is the best fun a girl can have on Twitter where new chick lit novels are concerned, and I sincerely hope many fun squids will play along.
From your friend,
Zoe. View high resolution

    Dear Launch Week of My New Novel The Younger Man,

    Oh MAN (younger, I suspect) I can’t wait to get you in stores and on shelves and in hands and in front of eyes. Can you believe you’re out next Wednesday?

    Well you are, dingus, so pay attention.

    Now, to celebrate this, I want to do something loving and literary for my readers. I want to write them their own personal chick-lit piece.

    On Twitter.

    Twit Chick Lit!

    What fun.

    How it will work is this:

    On Monday morning, I will tweet something really cool and admirable and totally not self-promoting about The Younger Man. Like: The only book anyone should read this year is The Younger Man by Zoe Foster.

    Excitable followers will then RT this self-deprecating and subtle tweet, and when I see them do that, I will select some and write them their own, unique chick lit.

    For example:

    @katie99 met Tom in the park. His fiancee had left him; her marriage had fallen apart. They fell in love doing laundry and bought a cat.

    @lizgloss fell for a gent with no scruples. He was exciting and they got tats. They didn’t last but the sex was outstanding.

    @lilshopper cheated with a man named Troy. They travelled they world. She felt guilty and returned to her ex. He forgave her; they pashed.

    IMAGINE! Their name carefully injected into a thrilling romantic narrative that is brimming with lust and drama and then suspesefully concluded, and all in under 140 characters.

    As if that wasn’t enough to lift your luggage, each day I will randomly select one of the gorgeous RT-ers selected for a Twit Chick-Lit and send them a signed copy of what else but… Twilight!

    No, no, sorry - it’s The Younger Man. The book they’ll win is definitely The Younger Man.

    I think you’ll agree this is the best fun a girl can have on Twitter where new chick lit novels are concerned, and I sincerely hope many fun squids will play along.

    From your friend,

    Zoe.