Anonymous: Dear Zoe, this dame has a conundrum, I think you can help! There is this guy at uni I've been talking to: he is lovely, polite & respectful & I suspect I like him. Last lecture I grew the courage to actually sit next to him, instead of a seat apart. Schoolgirly stuff I know, but hey, a girl's gotta try! I can't go to the lecture this week but would like to make some kind of contact. I don't have his number, but know his name. Do I send a fb request?Is this creepy? Any general tips? Thanks Zoe :)
Dear Facebook Requesty,
You do not send a Facebook request!
If he is indeed as lovely as you say he is, and worthy of your time and energy, he will have noticed your charms and your mutual chemistry, and will request YOU, or at the very least, chat with you or seat himself beside you next time he sees you. You’ve done enough.
I know you think you are Doing The Right Thing by letting him know you are interested, and that your head is telling you the most obvious and simple way to do such a thing is to contact him, but I implore you - let him discover your interest via other means. A smile here, a look there - gentle and subtle and elegant hints are far more powerful (long term) than taking the masculine route and making the first move.
Let him know you like him without saying a word. (Or writing one, via Facebook.) I assure you that if you are genuine and obvious enough in this, he will understand, and take enormous pleasure in asking YOU out.
Let him chase you. Please, for the love of lectures, let him chase you. Be assertive and take action in every other area of your life, but don’t do it in the embryonic stages of romance.
How do you go about forgiving someone who treated you quite horribly? I know I’m over it but I feel if I forgive the bad, bad man it somehow makes everything he did okay. Please help.
Love from, Sugar Pie.
Dear Sugar Pie,
You poor little lamb. I hate knowing you were treated horribly.
Here’s something that helped me when I was treated horribly:
Forgive the man, but not his actions.
This can be very powerful indeed, because it’s VERY important to forgive people in order to authentically move forward. If you don’t, you are only hurting yourself.
It’s true. It is! You’re the one walking around gnashing your fangs with a simmering rage in your belly, while he’s off playing frisbee and enjoying his day. In a sense, if you REALLY want to “get him back” for being such a toad, forgiving him and sending him love and being at peace is your finest revenge.
As for the action, eg, the thing that he did, whether that was cheating on you or stealing your shoes, you’re allowed to hate on that. Sainty-types will tell you otherwise, but I reckon being intolerant of certain behaviour, and therefore being able to detect and stop it from happening again isn’t such a bad thing.