Zo they say.

This Tumblr was taken by force by Zoe Foster, hereby referred to as "me," or "I," or "Your festive highness."

If you'd like to read more of my Nonsense About Nothing, read my weekly page in Sunday Style magazine.

If you like tootin' round with makeup and hair, you will enjoy my beauty blog at fruitybeauty.com.au

If you want a whole awesome book on those things, you will love Amazing Face.

If you like to read about relationships and dating, you will like my monthly dating column in Cosmopolitan magazine.

If you like being playfully, lovingly lectured for a whole book on such things, you will like Textbook Romance.

If you prefer effervescent novels, you will thoroughly enjoy Air Kisses and Playing the Field and The Younger Man.

If you like fantastic websites about people named Zoe Foster, go to zoefoster.com.au

If you do not like any of these things, no offence, but you are a moron.

July 12, 2012 9:43 pm

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Dear Ten Winners of Textbook Romance,

And here you are!

@jessihudsMum told me to spray perfume on a pillow in his bed, then if he cheated she’d know he had a girlf already

@abbeygelmi Facebook stalk The New Man pre-date so you can feign undying love for his Interests

@Acciomalfoyz Marry a rich husband so you don’t have to work.

@freerange_human Just hang around…he might dump his girlfriend and then realise you’re right there

@babycakequeen Don’t waste time getting an education, you will only forget it when you are changing the nappies of his babies!

@sarahlouisedob He hasn’t returned your text message from 2 days ago so call him just to confirm the dinner details

@ali_h7 Give him an ultimatum - Marry me or lose me

@eliza_beth_phan Try not to seem too intelligent around guys. They’ll be intimidated & won’t find you attractive

@alisha_testa It is better to marry a plain/average looking partner, because they are less likely to leave you

And my personal favourite: @genkerin But he has a speedboat

I’m so deeply sorry you have all been subjected to such shitty love advice.

On the plus side, it won you a book of not-shitty love advice, so it’s not all soggy shoes and delayed flights.

Now please email my publicist - Chantelle.Sturt@au.penguingroup.com - to give her your postal details. And obviously, immediately forget the advice you were given to win this competition.

From your friend,

Zoe

14 notes Filed under: textbook romance, hamish blake, zoe foster, love advice, relationships, dating, speedboat,.
May 8, 2012 4:24 am

Anonymous: Dear Zoe, this dame has a conundrum, I think you can help! There is this guy at uni I've been talking to: he is lovely, polite & respectful & I suspect I like him. Last lecture I grew the courage to actually sit next to him, instead of a seat apart. Schoolgirly stuff I know, but hey, a girl's gotta try! I can't go to the lecture this week but would like to make some kind of contact. I don't have his number, but know his name. Do I send a fb request?Is this creepy? Any general tips? Thanks Zoe :)

Dear Facebook Requesty,

NO.

You do not send a Facebook request!

If he is indeed as lovely as you say he is, and worthy of your time and energy, he will have noticed your charms and your mutual chemistry, and will request YOU, or at the very least, chat with you or seat himself beside you next time he sees you. You’ve done enough.

I know you think you are Doing The Right Thing by letting him know you are interested, and that your head is telling you the most obvious and simple way to do such a thing is to contact him, but I implore you - let him discover your interest via other means. A smile here, a look there - gentle and subtle and elegant hints are far more powerful (long term) than taking the masculine route and making the first move.

Let him know you like him without saying a word. (Or writing one, via Facebook.) I assure you that if you are genuine and obvious enough in this, he will understand, and take enormous pleasure in asking YOU out.

Let him chase you. Please, for the love of lectures, let him chase you. Be assertive and take action in every other area of your life, but don’t do it in the embryonic stages of romance.

From your friend,

Zoe

PS You clearly have not read Textbook Romance.

PPS Do.

8 notes Filed under: relationships, relationship advice, Textbook Romance,.
September 15, 2011 1:31 am

Dear Zoe,

How do you go about forgiving someone who treated you quite horribly? I know I’m over it but I feel if I forgive the bad, bad man it somehow makes everything he did okay. Please help.

Love from,
Sugar Pie.

Dear Sugar Pie,

You poor little lamb. I hate knowing you were treated horribly.

Here’s something that helped me when I was treated horribly:

Forgive the man, but not his actions.

This can be very powerful indeed, because it’s VERY important to forgive people in order to authentically move forward. If you don’t, you are only hurting yourself.

It’s true. It is! You’re the one walking around gnashing your fangs with a simmering rage in your belly, while he’s off playing frisbee and enjoying his day. In a sense, if you REALLY want to “get him back” for being such a toad, forgiving him and sending him love and being at peace is your finest revenge.

As for the action, eg, the thing that he did, whether that was cheating on you or stealing your shoes, you’re allowed to hate on that. Sainty-types will tell you otherwise, but I reckon being intolerant of certain behaviour, and therefore being able to detect and stop it from happening again isn’t such a bad thing.

But forgive him. He’s not worth not forgiving.

From your friend,

Zoe

4 notes Filed under: relationships, dating, advice, horrible things, forgiveness, shoe theif, submission,.

Zo they say.

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