I just, I’m sorry, but I don’t know that you’ll be able to fix this leak from my washing machine. I’ve seen plumbers before, and you do not look like a plumber. For one, you didn’t even bring any tools.
Thanks all the same.
From your friend,
Dear Amateur Taxidermists,
Dear Cat Cutely Licking Rat,
You naughty, naughty things!
You’re disrupting decades of excellent cartoon rivalry with your friendship and cute kiss licking.
Stop it. STOP IT THIS VERY MOMENT.
Dear Sink Kitties,
Not cute enough.
Add shower caps.
Dear Meowbert playing Tennis,
That’ll show people who think exotic shorthair cats are slow. Literally and mentally.
(Except for the part where you are confused by the location of your matchstick and think it’s on your paw.)
Dear Cat Armchair Visual Pun,
I see the hexes of a million jealous meme-creators on the horyezon!
Dear Cat Armchair,
What an appalling chair! What a hideously tacky excuse for furniture! You idiot!
I’ll take two.
Dear Talking Cat,
Wanna listen to JUSTIN BIEBER’s Christmas album with me this afternoon?!?!!
Dear Excellent Tumblr Joke,
WHAT A TASTY LOL OF SOUP!!!!
I’m sorry to read that you are bored.
As Mum always said, only boring people get bored, and as I said back to her, well, only boring children have boring mothers.
I jest! She is of course a marvellously exciting and playful dame. Always has been.
Now, your song:
Kitty, ooooh, kitty!Tiny cat, all itty-bitty!
Your eyes are big and your ears are pointedWhen you don’t get fed you are disappointed
You play with fake mice and you wee in a trayI could watch you run into walls all day
Take 7000 photos of youPut them up on Twitter, oooh
Bore everyone with all the cute stuff you’ve doneWonder why I’m now friends with no-oneBut I don’t care because I’ve got my kitty,And being with you is never shitty Kitty, ooooh, kitty!My teeny tiny cat, all itty-bitty!Kitty, ooooh, kittyyyyyyyyy!