Dear Fictional Wedding Photos We Took To Use On Our Wedding Program,
From your friend,
Ps Did you do your own hair and makeup? Pretty!
Dear Long Kitty,
Not tall enough.
Not Batman enough.
Lift game immediately.
Dear Meowbert’s Writing Process,
I can see exactly what’s happening here:
1. You had a really terrific idea.
2. You realise it’s actually the worst idea ever.
3. You are disgusted with yourself.
4. Finally, you have A Genuinely Good Idea.
5. You type like a crazed fool.
Honesty, it’s like watching myself in a mirror.
Dear Single Women,
I don’t want to hear ANOTHER WORD about there being “no good men” out there.
Looks like someone just broke some cuteness records.
While your musical ability is dazzlingly obvious, I feel there is something about your facial expression that may make our patrons feel a little… uncomfortable.
Try Jimmy’s down the street, I heard he’s looking.
Dear Kitty Fightin’ Apples,
On one hand I love watching your ridiculous, frisky attack on two defenceless Granny Smith apples.
On the other hand it just makes me miss Meowbert desperately, because he pulls the same stupid shit when he’s fighting cardboard boxes or laser pointers or invisible mice.
And on the final hand, I need to do something about this weird third hand.