Dear Meowbert,
I’m sorry to have to do this (no, I’m definitely not) but tomorrow you are going into the groomers, and you are having a Lion Cut.
Reasons why:
- This apartment is too hot
- You shed too much
- You are too hot
- You pant a lot
- You shed too much
- Boyfriend has asthma
- You shed too much.
Obviously there is a TINY, not even really a factor, element of amusement that MIGHT arise once you’ve had your haircut, but I can assure you that has nothing to do with this decision, and that the list of phone numbers for cat agents you saw on my desk was for a friend.
There’s no need to be scared! It will be wonderfully cooling and liberating for you. To give you an idea, you will look a bit like these guys, but way cuter. You might even become as famous as Boo, an average dog who got world famous after having a stupid haircut and becoming a super cute dog. If you do become famous, it should be noted that you will need to pay for your own haircuts moving forward, and hand over 15% of all earnings.
I love you, little lion boy. Time to show everyone what cute really looks like.
From your friend,
Zoe
